


Whatever it Takes

by 1lostone



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), avengers endgame - Fandom
Genre: Avengers Endgame Spoilers, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Character Study, M/M, Pining, Stony - Freeform, Stony Endgame :), i blame jlm for everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 18:12:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18609832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1lostone/pseuds/1lostone
Summary: LOOK AWAY NOW. SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME. I TAGGED THIS AS CCNTW ONLY TO AVOID SPOILING PEOPLE IN THE TAG SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T CLICK IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FILM!Steve reflects.





	Whatever it Takes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jlm121](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jlm121/gifts).



**_What--_ **

Steve had fought endless battles. In all his years of fighting, he’d seen hundreds of comrades, of _friends,_ fall. He’d lost Bucky. The Commandos. Peggy.  He’d lost the rest of his team after that clusterfuck of the Accords. After he had failed to stop Thanos, he’d witnessed their friends disintegrate into nothingness. He _knew_ pain, and hurt, and loss.

He knew, better than most, that usually one did not get a second, or a third, or a hundredth chance to make things right.  Steve had risked everything for Bucky, because he’d believed in him. He’d risked everything again when SHIELD had been infiltrated by Hydra, had broken friendships and burned bridges in order to keep Bucky safe. Shuri had painstakingly (although she laughed it off as “simple”) given Buck back the use of his arm, and T’Challa had graciously granted the space and skills for Bucky to rebuild himself as someone who was in charge of his own destiny. They’d brought Bucky back from the dead, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Steve had just been grateful that they’d been granted the chance.

**_Ever--_ **

The problem with being Captain America, was that eventually even he started to believe the bullshit. In the years since Siberia, Steve had had plenty of chances to go over everything that had happened with him and Tony. From the way they met, to the way they’d fought, first as teammates, and then as enemies, Steve knew better than any of them that there was no Avengers without Tony Stark.  

It was ridiculous to say, but Steve hadn’t meant it to go so far. Hindsight being what it was, he knew there had been opportunity after opportunity to make things right with Tony. The fact that Tony wouldn’t talk to him was only the slightest, tiniest bit of what he deserved.  And had he tried to fix things? No. No, Steve had been too wrapped up in his own PR bullshit. All that red, white, and blue righteous indignation had been exhausting. And foolish.

Bucky had even asked him once if everything had been worth it.  Steve had opened his mouth to agree ( _Of course. Look, you’re here now talking to me!_ )  but hadn’t been able to speak.

Nat had told him that he might be lucky if Tony even read his half-assed apology. Not that Steve had meant for it to be half-assed. He’d agonized over every single fucking word. It had been her suggestion to include the phone, and Steve had both desperately wished for, and been desperately afraid of it ringing.

And when it had?

It hadn’t been Tony. Tony had been gone. The news reported him missing, and then things had happened so quickly that he could barely keep up with them.

And then....

He remembered sprinting. Marvel had returned, and somehow she had brought someone with her, and the stupid, desperate hope had bubbled up into energy that had him moving before the landing gear even distended. He was there in seconds, heart beating a mad tattoo in his chest.

Steve’s arms, around Tony’s emaciated frame; Tony stumbling off of that space ship, looking thin, and haggard, and so fucking _alive_ had been a miracle. They’d been certain he was dead. They’d been certain that this was a feat not even Iron Man could accomplish, let alone Tony Stark.  Practically the first words out of Tony’s mouth was litany of all the ways he’d failed.

“I couldn’t stop him.”

“Neither could I.”

Staring. . . staring..., floored by the sudden realization that he wanted to kiss the man in front of him.  Horrified when Tony’s trembling voice confessed, “I lost the kid.” Disgusted with himself when his first instinct wasn’t to move out of Pepper’s way, but to wrap his arms around Tony in a grateful hug.

Steve had just about broken his own damn arms to keep Tony from falling to the ground. He’d carried him to the Compound when he’d passed out, and had made sure Pepper and Banner had everything they needed to make sure Tony lived.  Then, like the coward he was, he’d escaped.

His plan to focus on the mission had backfired so terribly, that Steve wanted to be sick.

Tony had called him on his bullshit. He’d called him on his betrayal, and called him a liar.

“I needed you. As in past tense. That trumps what you need. Guess what Cap. We lost, and you weren’t there. . . I’ve got nothin’ for you, Cap. No clues. No strategies. Nada. Zip. No coordinates, no trust. _Liar._ ”

The words were nothing Steve hadn’t called, or thought about himself, but hearing Tony say them. . . seeing the broken look on his face while he did? When he ripped off the piece that used to be his heart? That was pain he’d never forget.

It was a helluva time to realize you were in love with someone.

Shaken and so incredibly, amazingly sorry, Steve had given himself ten minutes to pack away his emotional shit and to keep on soldering on.  

They had plans to make.

**_It--_ **

 When Clint had fallen to his knees, without Nat in tow, Steve had known. He knew what it looked like, what it _felt_ like, to know your best friend was dead. The look on Clint’s face had been gutted. Steve hadn’t missed the little silver arrow that Nat wore around her neck. If his clueless ass hadn’t missed it, he could put money on the fact that Clint hadn’t missed it. Their Hawkeye had the name for a reason, after all. Theirs was a friendship that had lasted years and years, much like his and Bucky’s.

Losing Nat, knowing what she’d sacrificed for them all, yeah. That had hurt. She’d stuck with him, and he’d stuck with her since they’d met all those years ago. She’d commiserated with him over Bucky, and he’d tried to help her through the aftermath of realizing what Clint had become.  They’d been there for each other, and her loss was something Steve knew he’d mourn for as long as he lived.

He couldn’t look Clint in the eye, because while he’d been busy losing everything, Steve had somehow gotten to redeem himself. Ironically, Nat would have found the whole thing hilarious. _Captain America_ saying ‘Hail Hydra.’ The fact that Loki had escaped with the Tesseract. His and Tony’s mission to the 70’s. The trust Tony had shown him. . . Nat would have been so happy. Well, Nat would have been so happy after she teased him for about thirty years.

She loved making him blush.

God  _dammit_.

Nat.

**_Takes--_ **

Looking down into Tony’s irradiated face and sightless eyes, Steve couldn’t breathe through the lump in his throat. He knew that he was crying, and didn’t care. Behind him, he could hear the shocked little sound Thor made when he realized what Tony had done. He heard the kid babbling, desperate for this to be some kind of mistake, and heard Pepper telling him it was okay to rest, but he couldn’t look away from Tony’s brown eyes. Even when it happened, when the light left both his eyes and his suit, Steve stared, and stared, and stared.

The phrase, ‘broken-hearted’ seemed astoundingly inadequate.

The roar went up then, of victory, of release, of thankfulness. People who didn’t know who had saved them, and what he’d given up to do so celebrated.

  
They’d done it. They’d won.

T’Challa noticed the small, sad cluster of people first. He went silent, then Okoye, then Shuri, then a wave of silence and gratitude as every single being on that battlefield realized what a true hero was. What a true hero had given up.

Who they had all lost.

 

**_No Matter What--_ **

“Remember. You’ve got to return the stones to the exact point we got ‘em, or you’re gonna open a bunch of nasty alternative realities.”

“Don’t worry Bruce. I’ll clip all the branches.”

And he would. He would return each and every one, back to the where and the when it belonged. Now, they had the time. They had Tony’s instructions. Steve could go backward, or forward, or any damn ward in time.

He wore his Captain America suit, the last one that Tony had made for him. The one that did everything for his ass. He kept in his hand a locket, and instead of one picture, it now held two. His shield felt comforting on his back, and the case with the stones was astonishingly light, given what they’d lost to get them.  

In all of his years, Steve had done his best to be selfless, to be someone that people could look up to. He’d been a symbol for so much, for so long.

So when Bucky pulled him into a hug and whispered, “Go find him,” Steve had frozen for just a heartbeat. Bucky knew him better than anyone, and Steve supposed, if anyone would know his heart, it would be his best friend.

Steve understood the gravity of the situation. He knew what had to be done. He knew they could trust him not to go crazy with the power of the stones.  And he had every intention of doing so.

But first? First Steve Rogers had a little stop to make. There were infinite timelines after all. . . 

. . .  and he had all the time he wanted.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit. Holy _shit_. I am posting this mostly because I couldn't stop thinking about everything, so excuse the mistakes as my brain is still exploding.
> 
> My first fic in this fandom, so if there is anything woefully inaccurate (aside from the dialogue; I did that from memory and for the most part I was screeching at the time) please don't hesitate to let me know.
> 
> EDIT crap. I goofed and deleted the second chapter, and all its comments. I edited it so it is all in one chapter, but dang it. I am sorry if I deleted those lovely thoughts!!


End file.
